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(fwd) [uk.people.gothic] Dear Uncle Brett (was: Dear Tamsin)

On 28 Jan 1997 08:57:07 +0100, in alt.humor.best-of-usenet
[email protected] (David Gerard) wrote:

Subject: Dear Uncle Brett (was: Dear Tamsin) 
From: [email protected] (Doktor Joy's Parents)
Newsgroups: uk.people.gothic, alt.gothic, aus.culture.gothic

On Mon, 06 Jan 1997 18:28:39 +0100, [email protected] (brett
carr)
did say:

>     And no this does not mean I'm starting up an Advice Column!!
>                Although that could be fun(Wanders off thinking :))

Dear Uncle Brett,

I think this advice column idea is really good because we know lots of
people
need somebody to talk to and share their problems with. When we were
kids you
used to see this kind of thing everywhere, especially Agony Aunt
columns, and
we're really glad that the youngsters of today have found a good use for
the
Internet in spite of all the naughty things its used for...

Our problem has been troubling us for almost 9 years now, and we are at
a
loss.

You see, our number 1 son is a bit of a goth. Of course, the first day
we saw
him wearing black skin-tight jeans and leather, we had a good family
laugh
around the Sunday dinner table; we didn't understand back then that to
be a
goth you had to do this everyday, which is bloody ridiculous if you want
our
opinion. Why can't he just be a goth on Friday Night down the pub, and
wear
proper clothes the rest of the time?

Anyway, then he dyed the bathroom black. He was trying to change the
colour
of his hair!!! Well he'd been conned big time, and we think it's awful
that
all these well-meaning kids should pay out their hard-earned money for
'Directions Temporary Black' dye, only to find it dyes *permanently*
everything it comes into contact with, except for hair, which is doesn't
dye
at all. SOMeone's obviously seen these goths coming and is ripping them
off. 

Just the other day he bought a new pair of boots! His mother tried to
tell
him there was nothing wrong with the other 8 pairs he has, but he was
having
none of it. If he hadn't bought all those boots, he'd have finished his
kit
car by now; and that's another thing. He's working so hard, poor little
thing, to build that car, and when he's finished he's going to waste all
his
effort by painting it *black*! Can you believe it? It shows such a lack
of
originality. He's been wearing black for nine years, and it's getting
quite
boring for us now, so bad that we get excited just to see him put *blue*
nail
varnish on. We tried to tell him that Black isn't a colour, it's just a
shade, but he's not interested in that. We think that the car would look
much
better if it were well thought out with a bright yellow coat and a beige
interior, just like every other sports car; I mean black with
electro-plate
blue, who's going to buy that off him when he comes to sell it, because,
it's
a stupid car really, he's going to get bored of it after a year, and
we've
told him that several times but he thinks he's actually going to drive
it
around! There's not even space in the luggage compartment for his
make-up
bag, let alone a decent suitcase and all. (Mind you, both of us can't
wait to
have a go in it).

And that's another thing. He wears make-up! His father (typing this)
thinks
he looks a RIGHT FUCKING POOFTA (and I tell him this quite often), and
is
very glad that the two younger brothers drink beer all week and wear
lumberjack shirts, as it brings a feeling of normality and common sense
into
the house. They know where to go for a proper haircut too! (Just down to
the
barbers on the corner, 3 quid for full 'Gents' styling, a bargain! He
even
sprays a coating of that 'Tap-o-leen' stuff onto your head when he's
done).
What's worse, he actually hangs out and talks to GAY people, who ought
to be
locked up (He brought a beautiful girl round once, and she was GAY!
Imagine
how upset we were, it's such a shame). If it weren't for the fact that
we
caught him in the kitchen with a female and very little else we'd be
very
worried. He looks like a WOMAN half the time! What is he like? Does he
want
to spend all of his life doing the ironing and cooking meals, or what?

And that female, well, she didn't look like the decent type. All flesh
and no
brains, no doubt. Didn't look like she could cook a meal or darn his
socks
for him. We're so concerned that he's letting himself down. He could
find
such a nice girl to look after him. His brothers talk to loads of them
down
the pub every Friday. Instead, we're worried he's going to fall for a
no-gooder who hangs out in those old clubs and weird places he goes. All
those people, they can't be up to any good can they? Dressing like that.
They
catch the eye and stand-out, they're obviously asking for trouble, and
none
of them can have an education or decent jobs: he tells us that they do
have
degrees and all that when he introduces his friends, but who would give
them
a job looking like that? The place he works for can't have any standards
to
let him turn up looking the way he does. And we have to be nice to his
friends. They come here and stay the night after parties (no doubt where
there's been lots of drugs. You know what those weird types get up to.
Our
other two boys are decent middle-class young men, and wouldn't take any
drugs
at parties at all, we're sure of that. It's good to see them stagger in
after
a Friday down the pub and vomit down the kitchen sink, good old sensible
Tetleys best), and they all look a rotten bunch. To be honest, we think
we're
lucky none of them have nicked the TV and Video yet to pay for their
habits,
because no one would give them a job. 

We really are at a loss Uncle Brett. At first, we hoped he was going to
grow
out of it, children will do such silly things just to get attention, but
he's
been like this for nine years now. He hangs out with loads of other
Goths and
'Cybers', whatever they are, and everytime his friends come over,
there's
enough silver and pairs of boots in the house to pay off the mortgage.
The
girls all look very nice (if a bit wanton, just what are their fathers
thinking of, letting them out like that! I'd make sure to inspect my
daughters each time they came in if they dressed like that), but why the
blokes have to dress up as well, we just don't know, and we wish he'd
stop,
hopefully before his Nan dies, because she's so distressed by it all.

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