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mph-humor Digest V97 #6


---- Begin included message ----
mph-humor Digest				Volume 97 : Issue 6

Today's Topics:
	 Administratium
	 (fwd) Hormel Sues over Muppets' Use of SPAM
	 Fwd: NOTICE---URGENT MESSAGE
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---- Begin included message ----
NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED AT UCD

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicists
at the University of California High Energy Physics Facility at UCDavis.
The element, tentatively named "Administratium" ( symbol Ad) has no protons
or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1
neutron, 126 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons and 111 assistant
vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are
held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange
of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected indirectly as it either impedes a reaction with which it comes in
contact, or else it catalyzes a massive reorganization of system components
into less efficient aggregates. (Because of the latter property, the name
Entropium was originally proposed.) According to the discoverers, a minute
amount of Administratium can cause a process to take months to complete
when it would normally occur in less than one day.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at
which time it does not actually decay, but instead, undergoes a
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant
vice-neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic
weight actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the biosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such
as universities, government agencies, large corporations and can even be
found even in the newest academic units.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level
and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to
accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be
controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not
promising.
--
Gregory S. Sutter                            "How do I read this file?"
mailto:[email protected]                     "You uudecode it."
http://www.pobox.com/~gsutter/gsutter/       "I I I decode it?"
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---- Begin included message ----
On 7 Mar 1997 01:26:00 GMT, in soc.college [email protected]
(Citizen Poke Magazine) wrote:

                     * * * CITIZEN POKE MAGAZINE * * *
                         w w w . c p o k e . c o m


Thursday, March  6

Hormel Foods Corp. v. Jim Henson Productions

For last year's release of the film, Muppet Treasure
Island, Jim Henson Productions added some news additions to
the Muppet arsenal. Among them was Spa'am, the high priest
of a tribe of wild boars that comes to worship Miss Piggy
as it's queen.

Funny, Right? Not to Hormell the makers of the SPAM who
decided to sue.  Hormel also expressed concern that even
comic association with an unclean "grotesque" boar will
call into question the purity and high quality of its meat
product. But the district court found no evidence that
Spa'am was unhygienic.

Are we talking about the same SPAM here?

Key was the testimony of Anne Devereaux Jordan, an expert
in children's literature, who found Spa'am to be a positive
figure in the context of the movie as a whole -- even if he
is not "classically handsome."

The case is still under appeal.

    
Read Citizen Poke, the Net's Favorite Comedy 'Zine.
Updated Daily.
http://www.cpoke.com

Questions? Comments? Criticism?  Email [email protected]
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---- Begin included message ----
I'm sure you've gotten email messages where the signature was longer than
the text of the message itself.  But this is the first message I've gotten
where the To: lines are longer than the text of the message!

Better yet, numerous people have replied to this message (no wonder I got
25 pieces of email in less than 48 hours).


>X-Sender: [email protected] (Unverified)
>Date: Thu, 13 Mar 1997 21:09:18
>To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected],
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>[email protected],
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>[email protected],
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>        [email protected]
>From: [email protected] (Christopher Layne)
>Subject: NOTICE---URGENT MESSAGE
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>
>Just thought I would drop you a note letting you know of an
>opportunity that I came across lately.
>
>I have been amazed at the success I have had with this work
>at home opportunity. If you would like to work at home in your
>spare time and create extra income, snail mail me an SASE to:
>                            Response America
>                              PO Box 3815
>                           Salisbury,MD 21802
>


--
Eric Bennett ( [email protected] ; http://www.pobox.com/~ericb )

Not only does Windows 95 crash, but it seems to have the habit of crashing
more and more over time, as if it's deteriorating. It's possible that
Microsoft has found the equivalent of the modern lightbulb scam--bulbs
engineered to burn out after X number of hours. We'll all be clamoring for
Windows 97 after a few more months of this agony.
-John Dvorak, PC Magazine, http://www.pcmag.com/dvorak/jd961223.htm
---- End included message ----