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(fwd) Yahweh Busted for Drug Cultivation -- Property Seized!
On 22 Jan 1997 20:01:50 GMT, in rec.drugs.cannabis "Dr. Gordon Kenney"
<[email protected]> wrote:
Yahweh Busted for Drug Cultivation -- Property Seized!
San Diego (Universe Press)
Yahweh, who claims to be the creator of all things, was arrested late
Monday morning while visiting seriously ill cancer patients at a
children's hospital near San Diego, Calif. Drug Enforcement
Administration (DEA) officials stated at a hastily convened press
conference that they had been on the trail of Yahweh for "at least ten
years." Officials also stated that he will be charged with cultivation
of coca, cannabis, and poppies in violation of the federal laws of the
United States. Yahweh, who apparently has no known address, will also
be charged with illegal entry into the country. Several state attorneys
general have contacted the DEA for information about Yahweh, as it
appears that he is wanted in other states for crimes such as murder and
embezzlement.
By all accounts, DEA officials were very pleased with the apprehension
of Yahweh. DEA Administrator, Thomas Constantine, noted that a small
portion of Yahweh's property has been seized and has been estimated at
well over $995 quadrillion. The Internal Revenue Service has been
informed about these assets and will be launching a separate
investigation.
Racketeering charges have not been ruled out, though DEA officials are
still searching for two assailants who may have acted in concert with
Yahweh. These suspects are said to answer to the names Jesus Christ,
and Holy Ghost. Mr. Christ has no known prior record, but Mr. Ghost has
outstanding warrants in France and Russia, according to INTERPOL.
Yahweh, who apparently suffers from delusions concerning his
omniscience, will be detained and evaluated at an undisclosed
psychiatric hospital until his arraignment.
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