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Bill Gates Grants Self 18 Dex, 20 Chr
http://www.theonion.com/onion3121/billgates.html
Here's an excerpt:
REDMOND, WA--Microsoft head Bill Gates, already considered by many to
be among the most powerful men in the world, further increased his
powers Monday, augmenting several of his key statistics to near-immortal
levels.
Among the most striking increases were a +2 raise in dexterity to
18, and an overwhelming charisma increase to an above-human score of 20,
placing Gates in the realm of deities and demigods.
"I am pleased to announce that I have boosted my already
impressive statistics," Gates said in a statement to shareholders
Monday. "As we develop the technological framework that will dominate
the 21st century, these augmentations--and others to follow--will be
powerful wards against competition from the likes of Netscape, Oracle
and Melkor who is named Morgoth."
"Microsoft is the software-industry leader today, and tomorrow it
will also dominate the realm of information access, as well as the
content being accessed," Gates said. "The continued growth of our
Corbis Media archive, the successful development and launch of MSNBC,
and my mastery of the shield spells of the Elven King Lagolin are only
the beginning for Microsoft."
Gates, who raised his intelligence to 20 in 1990, is fast becoming
the most powerful CEO in American media. Experts place him above Fox's
Rupert Murdoch and Disney's Michael Eisner, both of whom hold over 1.2
million hit points. Gates is also rumored to be in possession of a bag
of holding containing one terabyte of information, as well as over 100
billion gold and silver pieces.
GReg
--
Gregory S. Sutter "How do I read this file?"
mailto:[email protected] "You uudecode it."
http://www.pobox.com/~gsutter/ "I I I decode it?"
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