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Fwd: I guess you Maccies were right... PCs are evil.


> Date: Sat, 11 Mar 2000 04:38:01 -0600
> From: vapor <[email protected]>
> Newsgroups: comp.sys.mac.advocacy
> Subject: I guess you Maccies were right... PCs are evil.
> Date: Sat, 11 Mar 2000 04:38:01 -0600
> Organization: www.Ihateapple.com
> 
>
> Being an Atheist I usually stay out of discussions of religion,
> but....
> 
> 
> US preacher finds demon-possessed PCs
> 
> Source: http://www.theregister.co.uk/000310-000003.html
> 
> Forget about viruses and malicious hackers; the real threat these days
> is far more insidious. Your home computer may be host to a demon, and
> you and your family may well come under its malevolent control, the
> Weekly World News reports.
> 
> (Ahhh... that would explain split pea soup oozing out of my RW drive.)
> 
> "While the Computer Age has ushered in many advances, it has also
> opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can
> enter and corrupt men's souls," the paper quotes the Reverend Jim
> Peasboro, author of an upcoming book, The Devil in the Machine, as
> saying. 
> 
> (Uh oh... my monitor just started bleeding.)
> 
> Demons are able to possess anything with a brain... 
> 
> (At least the Maccies are safe... sorry, couldn't resist ;)
> 
> from a chicken to a human being. And today's thinking machines have
> enough space on their hard drives to accommodate Satan or his pals,
> the paper reports.
> 
> (Weird... an icon that reads "Comptons Interactive Necronomicon" just
> appeared on my desktop. This isn't a good sign...)
> 
> Disk capacity is an issue, however. Only a PC built after 1985 has the
> storage capacity to house an evil spirit, the minister explained.
> 
> (A question... I wonder if you need separate partitions to house each
> foul hellspawn of satan, or will they all reside happily on a single
> partition?) 
> 
> The Georgia clergyman says he became aware of the problem from
> counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my
> congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used
> their computers," he said. 
> 
> (Not to mention in touch with themselves... I sure some were in
> "touch" with themselves 3 or 4 times daily.)
> 
> "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to
> pornographic Web sites. 
> 
> (Your point?) 
> 
> "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering
> Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing
> language they would never use normally," he declared. 
> 
> (Hmmm... I think I was talking to her last night. I didn't *really*
> think she was 14 anyway.)
> 
> "One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the
> computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.'"
> 
> (Sounds like she's using a Mac to me.)
> 
> The minister said he probed one such case, 
> 
> (Interesting choice of words. Did this case involve a 13 y/o boy? I'll
> have to remember that next time I'm screwing around with my GF... "I
> now call it my data probe, baby... ready to boot up?)
> 
> actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his
> horror, an artificial-intelligence program started spontaneously.
> 
> (I suggest you disable the "start at boot" option for ICQ. You might
> also want to check the "disallow 3000 year old Mesopotamian deities"
> check box in the prefs menu.)
> 
> "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he
> recalls. "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is
> a damn liar.'"
> 
> (Let me guess... his screen name was s@7@|\|_999 ?) 
> 
> Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like
> gobbledygook.
> 
>  "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the
> minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in
> a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!"
> 
> (Cool! 3000 year old obscenities. I wish he would have provided them.
> I'd like to work them into my posts in various forums and news
> groups.) 
> 
> The minister estimates that one in ten computers in America now hosts
> some type of evil spirit.
> 
> (Yes, it's called AOL.) 
> 
> The Reverend advises anyone suspecting that their computer is
> possessed to consult a clergyman, or, if the computer is still under
> warranty, to take it in for servicing.
> 
> ("Reason for service: Machine possessed by devil" Bet some of you guys
> would love to see that on a service order. If people would just
> install Norton Anti-Anti-Christ this kinda thing wouldn't happen.)
> 
> "Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software,
> getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently," he says. � 
> 
> (I may add this to my service offerings...
> Troubleshooting/Repair/Installations/Exorcisms)
> 
> hehehehe...
> 
> --
> vapor
>

-- 
Eric Bennett ( http://www.pobox.com/~ericb/ ) 
Cornell University / Chemistry & Chemical Biology

[The "New Economy" theory] assumes that we're all going to be sitting around
in the dark, naked and hungry and surfing the Internet.
-Alan Skrainka
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